Thank Goodness for Grace

Do you ever just stop for a minute and think "thank goodness for grace"?

For me that seems to be a reoccurring phrase of the past few years, when I look back on who I just a year ago I am nothing but grateful for a faithful God, who continuously seeks us.

  

  The truth is when I was talking to a friend the other day about who I was when I came to college, I realized I really had nothing good to say about myself. Not to say that at the time I had any idea that I would look back at who I was and be appalled at the shallow person I was. Now to the world and the culture I grew up in, I think that most people wouldn't realize how broken I was. I mean I was at church anytime the doors where open, most of my friends were Christians, and my summers were spent on mission trips, but when it came to my heart, I had a deep problem of insecurity and honestly bitterness. This was a problem that developed over time and got bigger the more I stuffed it down because I didn't want anyone to know that I didn't have my life perfectly together. The climax of this issue came when I was a senior in high school and broke my  ankle in a little bit of a freak accident. my dreams of cheering in college were crushed, I thought, this is the worst, I thought. (but if  I'm being honest i might have been more bothered by the fact that someone else was going to become the point dancer for my competitive teams, and that was my thing, I thought "no one could actually replace me.") As I said I was pretty insecure and being great at something gave me value, and this injury took that value from me. I pretty much got to a point where I stuffed the bitterness and pain down so far that I became numb to it. I put on a smile and thought I had everyone fooled. Truthfully I threw myself about a nine month pity party. At this point I think that no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I was trusting the Lord, I really wasn't. I pretty much decided that I was fine, that I was wanted, that I was great (all of these being in the world's eyes.)  I decided that high school didn't end the way i wanted so college would be picture perfect, little did i know God had not thrown in the towel teaching me what I so desperately needed to learn but so stubbornly refused to see. As I talked a little about before on this blog, my freshman year certainly didn't start the way i planned, I ended up dropping out of rush, broken by the fact that "no one wanted me, " I went months feeling like I was worth nothing because of that. So there I was an 18 year old girl who came from a great home, had great friends and had just made her dream school her new home, but all I cared about was that i deserved better, I deserved to be wanted by these things. I was a girl who was terrified to let anyone in because it looked like I had my life together until you got too close.

 My mindset about this time was: God, I have lived a life for You, I have lived in a constant trial for what feels like forever don't I deserved good things, deserve to get what I want? I was a "good Christian" so I deserved better, right? WRONG.

There is a story that Jesus told while he was on earth, that if you have grown up in church I am certain you have heard countless times. This is the story of the prodigal son. You have heard it, right? It’s about a father that has two sons, one takes his inheritance and leaves home recklessly, the other stays, but then the reckless son comes home and the father takes him back in. Well that’s the super short version. When we teach on or hear this lesson we focus on the “horrible” son who leaves, but I want to look at the other two characters. First prodigal is a weird word so let’s define it one definition is; having or giving something on a lavish scale. Okay so  I guess that could describe the son, but what I really think that describes is the father. The father has been shamed, and dishonored by his son, but when after a long while he sees his son coming home he RUNS to meet him. Now in this story the father is God, God is faithful right? Persistent?  Gracious? Yep, all of those, we are nothing without God and we dishonor him but his response is not to give up on us; it is to run to us hold us in his arms and whisper “Welcome Home, my dear.”  So we see God is grace. God is love. God is faithful. So as I stated before, growing up I pretty much thought I did the right things and at my heart I believed I deserved better, I mean I didn't go out and get wasted on the weekends or sleep with my boyfriend, so I guess I really thought this story wasn't for me. Until I heard it from not just the reckless child’s perspective, there is an older brother a brother that stayed with the father and when his brother came home, basically had a pity party and said why him? I am the one who was here the whole time. And the father answers him saying you have been with me, all that is mine is yours but now we celebrate the return of your brother. He was lost and is now found. See the Lord is like this he says to each of us come to me. My grace is enough to cover you.  

I think that over the past few years, I had a slanted view of salvation, I think that I saw it for what made me feel best at the moment, I think it took me seeing that my value is solely dependent on what the Lord sees, to also realize that the same is true for others. I think that realizing that is what made me take a step back and see that there is no one on earth that I “deserve” better than. I had to realize that it wasn't about my momentary happiness; that trials or hard times weren't punishment, but that God was refining me so that I was able to be a picture of the gospel.

We serve a prodigal God, a God that lavishes his grace upon us when we deserve nothing. 

So one of the things i have learned to love about the Lord is that he is persistent. HE IS FAITHFUL. He is faithful in that he loves us always, but he is also faithful in that he doesn't give up on you when you take FOREVER to get it. It took me about two years to truly understand the “why” to difficult things. Here at Auburn I am involved in Cru and we have been going through a series in 1 Peter focusing on "Living as Exiles" one of the lessons was on trials specifically fiery trials; one point was that these trials refine us. If we think of ourselves as workmanship of God, as precious metals being refined think of this question and the answer a metal-smith gave, "How do you know that silver or gold has been refined enough? When you can see your face in it. " So these hard times they refine us, they shape us to look more like Christ.

So if we refine our mindset, we can see its not really about us. You see it is about Christ and the gospel, I am slowly realizing that our lives should be a picture to the world of the gospel. Before this year my thought process was centered on me, and how "good" I was, how I deserved. It was my pride, my pride that became the enemy of grace. I wanted to earn it, I didn't want to let anyone know I needed help. Here is what I finally understand: I alone am worth nothing, I am not good enough, and in my sin I don't deserve anything at all. BUT GOD, don't lose sight of the significance of those two words, but God is gracious. And thank the Lord for that! In Him and Him alone i have infinite value, I am desired, I am important, because the Lord has grace and he sought me out of my self-consumed rebellion and held me in his arms and says to me " you are mine, I love you, you can do nothing to change that."  

In the story it isn't about the son. He didn't do anything to deserve forgiveness. It was about the father and his grace and unfailing love. In life it isn't about us, or how good or bad we think we are. It is about the father and his grace and unfailing love for us. 

This semester I have really learned that nothing matters but Christ.  Our lives, our love, and our relationships should be a picture of the gospel, and that is a picture of grace.

Christ is enough.

Grace is enough.

 And that is the gospel.

thank goodness for grace. 

Failed but not a failure

I am a little obsessed with the show One Tree Hill... It's a drama, its kind of dumb but I love it. My roommate and I spend many a night watching our favorite episodes that span over nine seasons. This show, might be over dramatic and at some points completely unrealistic but the funny thing is there is some great advice or quotes that come from it. Now don't let my quoting of a stupid teen drama take away from the realness of the words.
  "People are gonna label you, it's how you over come those labels. That's what matters."
Think about that. How real is that? If you really think about these labels we have to overcome, I think you will realize that there are two types of labels we must overcome. At least I did. That is the labels of other and the labels we put on ourselves. The Lord has really been teaching me this over the past year, through so many ways.
  First the labels of others, that's pretty self explanatory. I mean I do it myself, that's the super involved girl or that's the girl who always has a 4.0 or that's the ΧΩ. Like I have said before these labels aren't necessarily bad, but if we are honest what follows soon after those surface labels is that we decide to label them based on our grading scale for sin.
 This aspect of labeling goes with both the personal and public side of it. We as people  have created a "sin scale." You know what I'm talking about, we see or hear of something someone else has done and we say to ourselves "at least I'm not that bad." I sure know I do that all the time. I label myself as a good person, based on my scale of good and bad sins. But the thing is those labels I have created  mean nothing because I am just as bad as anyone else NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. We are all on the same desperate level of our need for God. Here is the best way I can describe it, so we see sin as if we were walking around downtown NYC with all the different sized buildings (the different heights measuring the level of sin) but God sees sin as if he was looking down from a plane (all of those buildings look equal, level)
In the book Jesus is by Judah Smith, he talks about this specifically. He says that what we must realize is that it doesn't matter how good we think we measure up, all that matters is that we realize our need for Christ. The blood that saved that murderer on death row is the same blood that saves me, because I with whatever sins I have done I  am just as separated from God as they are. Realizing the truth of this gets rid of us using labels to boost our ego, but in the same way it is important that we rid ourselves completely of them.
    In one of the Bible studies I am in we are talking about the truth that failing doesn't make you a failure. In a society where this comfort of labeling is so present, it is easy to see yourself as a failure. I have definitely struggled with this, when we are looking for approval and comfort from the successes of life we will always feel that we come up short. But because you "fail" at something that doesn't make you a failure.
  We put labels on ourselves, we put labels on others and we assume they label us, and we let those things define who we are. But if we can understand that overcoming those labels means seeing ourselves as others as The Lord sees us we have to understand that once we are believers what He sees is Jesus, He sees this perfect child that he desires and knows better than we know ourselves. He sees success, and significance.
 So like good ole One Tree Hill says "People are gonna label you, it's how you overcome those labels. That's what matters."

You are more than any circumstance or failure, you are loved by the God of the universe.

All the Glory

 Francis Chan says " the irony is that   while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want him most of the time." 

I think that we as Christians believe we are being selfless but most of us are far from it. Think about it this way... When something bad happens what is your first thought? 

For me it is usually something along the lines of why me, or what am I supposed to learn from this. Now these questions in and of themselves are not bad questions, but look at what the subject is. ME. Cause life is about me right? 

It's about what makes me look good, how I am better than others, or even why in the world I would have something bad happen to me and not them 

let's clear up something up first. Why me? Why you? The real question is if God let Jesus suffer why would we expect to not have struggles? But we don't think that way for the most part, we think we don't deserve these trials we face. You know, "why do bad things happen to good people?"

So if not why me, then we probably ask what am I supposed to learn from this? Well when we go through troubles we think God must need to teach us  something, but the truth is the trial may have nothin for us. It took me a long time to realize this, it took me asking this over and over again to realize that truth. Our purpose on earth is bring God glory, don't think though that he needs us to receive glory, we just get to be a vessel for his use. 

 James 1:2 Consider it pure joy my brothers when you experience trials of various kinds." Two parts of this verse are very important in this, James says when, not if, but when you experience trials. Second we focus on the word joy, and if we realize that joy is based in Christ not in circumstances. This verse isn't saying we are to happy about trials but joyful. And we can be joyful because in trials we know God is receiving glory and is working. 

If we shift the focus away from ourselves and on the the Lord then we can find this "joy" in the fact that a perfect selfless God loves us and lets us be a vessel to bring him glory. So basically if we can come to grips with the fact that our purpose is to bring glory to The Lord and can understand that whatever happens is not about us, but instead is what He will receive the most glory from we can find the truest joy!

The "Right" Answers

Wasn't your freshman year just so great? Was college all you thought it would be?
These were questions I grew to dread over the past year.
  In our society today, and especially in the south, being polite is expected. It's just what you do, when you see someone you are supposed to ask how they are or how they have been. It's the nice thing to do, right? Well it is, but do we really ask these questions wanting an honest answer?
 
 I quickly became very good at giving the "right" answer to those two questions I mentioned. A simple yes or good is what I thought they would want to hear, they don't want to know the truth, or I don't want to burden them with my problems are the things I would tell myself. The truth was this past year was the hardest year of my life, but in a way it was great, because God taught me so much. I had become a master of hiding the pain or heartache I was going through with a smile and a few surface answers. I continued with this life of surface happiness as I came home from school.
  And then came a new question...
How was your summer?
   I wanted to be able to say it was great! But the truth was I was terrified of some things that were happening, and others just felt like they were falling apart. There came a point during summer when I had basically lost hope, I joked that if I planned it would happen you could pretty much put money on the fact that it wouldn't. I felt like I was stuck, God was teaching me so much, but I was stuck in this cycle of disappointment, this was when I became so convicted of what I call the "right" answers. You know, giving the easy answer I believed people wanted to hear.
   We live in a society that wants everyone to be "happy" so we ask and answer these questions that show we care and we give answers that make life sound great all the time. This summer when I started to see the need I had to be real with someone  I asked myself how often do I ask these wanting to know the truth or answer them honestly. For me that was not the majority. It was then that I truly saw the need for honesty in our lives.

  Honesty is the best policy, as cliche as it may sound it is true. The fact is God works in different ways in all of our lives and we should view these simple questions as a witnessing tool, to tell others how God is working. Because the truth is life isn't always great, sometimes it really stinks, and you know what? That's ok. The point of our lives is to bring God glory so if you feeling a little awkward or uncomfortable telling somewhere your life isn't perfect is the cost of sharing the truth about our Lord, I think it's worth it.
  On the other side we should want to know the truth, so when we ask the question we should not expect a simple good, or yes.

   I guess all in all, over the past year God has really challenged me with the truth; the truth of the gospel, the truth of the struggles of life, and the truth of his joy. I want to live a life that is true, and that involves being real with the people. This life of truth goes hand in hand with a life of love. My desire is to BE REAL and truly live out the truth of the gospel with love.


John 13:35 "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

A Search for Significance

As summer comes to a close I am once again reminded of the emotions that come along with the words "back to school."  Depending on what going back to school means to you, it can be either terrifying or so exciting.  Now for me, I am excited because going back to school means moving back to the Loveliest Village on Plains! (But that's beside the point)  The truth is both these and others are understandable reactions, and I think if we are honest with ourselves these reactions stem for the answer to the question "Who am I?"

 We live in a society of labels, in high school it may be things like Jake the baseball player, or Allie the girl on SGA or Austin the guy who only takes AP classes.  In college it might be: Caroline the AXO or Emily the student recruiter or Ryan the Plainsman.  And even as adults the labels continue. Now these labels are not necessarily bad things, but we can't let a label define who we are.   I believe that if we look we can learn that we are more than a label.

 Before I said that I was excited about going back to Auburn, now this is not because I had the perfect freshman year, with the perfect friends and just can’t wait to get back to my perfect college life.  Actually it is far from that, let me explain a little...I like many of my friends went to Auburn last fall to start my freshmen year; I was so excited.  I had   dreamed of going to Auburn for years and it was finally happening, but I was also so nervous. I, like most girls from the Over the Mountain area moved in early to go through rush.  Although I was forced to quickly learn that sorority was not for me, that didn't come easy.  Some of my best friends were already in sororities so I took all that happened personally.  I went through some time where I felt unwanted, even not good enough.  For me rush started a time where I had no idea how to answer the question “Who am I?”

I am by no means saying rush is not a good thing, some of my very best friends love it, but I am saying that rush is a crazy, stressful, emotional time that feels like the only thing that matters.  But here's the truth, you are loved by the most amazing God, and he calls you his.  I went through rush seeking the approval of certain girls and truthfully guys. I thought that getting some letters at the end of the week would somehow make me a better person.  Sometimes I think it is funny how God teaches us things. Going into to rush, well first I told myself I didn't care what others thought of me, but the truth is that was all I cared about.  It took me a while to learn this, but God is so faithful and he does not give us more than we can handle.

 So earlier I stated that I believe that the answer to our identity crisis can be found in a simple question "Who am I?"  But I think that the truth is really found in changing that question a little. The question we should be asking is "Whose am I?" God calls us his. Let that sink in for a second...

The God of the universe calls YOU his. So with that being said, does it matter what others think of you, does it matter if you make the team, if you fit into that popular crowd, if you get invited to that party? NO.

Now I'm not saying that that will take all the hurt away, but what I am saying is that you no longer have to worry about "Who you are."

When we change our mindset to this we can eliminate the labels that we put on ourselves and others.

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

2 Corinthians 6:18